Despite finishing in just eighth place in the Premier League last season for the club’s worst finish of the modern era, Erik ten Hag still managed to keep his job as Manchester United manager under a new ownership group because the Red Devils beat Manchester City in the FA Cup Final to qualify for the Europa League.
Ten Hag has rubbed both players and fans the wrong way, often making excuses after poor results or antagonizing club legends like Cristiano Ronaldo. Despite having no accomplishments in a top five league, ten Hag has allowed his ego to run rampant with results failing to improve for the Red Devils.
After another humiliation – a 3-0 defeat to Tottenham – the cries for ten Hag’s job are back on. After scouring 10 pages of Transfermarkt’s best available managers, here are the only three coaches worthy of running Manchester United. (Because, trust me, Rudi Garcia and Frank Lampard might be even worse than ten Hag).
Thomas Tuchel
Manchester United should have hired Thomas Tuchel when they had the chance this past summer. Really, it’s inexplicable for INEOS to have stood firm with a clearly failing manager when a literal Champions League winner – and previous finalist for a PSG side that has never had a prayer of getting that far without him – was available.
For all of Tuchel’s flaws, he is quite obviously one of the best managers in the world and a master tactician. Yes, he can rub people the wrong way and relates to some players poorly, but, well, ten Hag has those same issues but 10 times worse – and without any of the accomplishments.
Tuchel is still available, and Manchester United should just take the loss with ten Hag and jump all over the German coach. He’s had success everywhere he’s went except for Bayern Munich, because that’s the only place where players are allowed to have even bigger egos than his. (Starting at notorious coach killers Manuel Neuer and Thomas Muller.)
Maurizio Sarri
Maurizio Sarri resigned from Lazio and didn’t take the rival Roma job either, so the Serie A icon is probably content with sitting out the year – and probably smoking cigarettes somewhere.
Manchester United fans probably aren’t going to go head over heels for Sarri, who doesn’t quite have as compelling of an elite-level footballing resume as Thomas Tuchel.
However, Sarri’s done pretty well for himself over the years. He’s won league titles with Chelsea and Juventus; the Bianconeri actually haven’t won Serie A since Sarri was coaching Cristiano Ronaldo, Paulo Dybala, and Gonzalo Higuain.
Sarri was fantastic with Lazio and phenomenal with Napoli before that. He has a clear vision of football, and he’s one of the best in the world at organizing midfields and defenses that effectively keep possession.
He’s at least more aesthetic and successful than ten Hag, with defined patterns of play and a pedigree of winning at the league level. If the choice is between Sarri and ten Hag, I know I’m taking the Italian coach, even if Old Trafford is going to reek even more with the stench of tobacco.
Max Allegri
Juventus had to fire Max Allegri after another farcical season at the helm of the Old Lady, in which Mad Max remained hell bent on holding back young talents and playing the least attractive football in the same country that 2024 Hellas Verona plays in.
Allegri’s fall from grace has been stunning to witness, because in his first stint with Juventus, he was the best manager in Italy and had Juve on the doorstep of multiple Champions League triumphs.
He was a clean-cut manager who balanced innovation with defensive pragmatism before fully jumping the shark and turning into a parody of a 1980s Italian coach.
Allegri, even at his worst, is still more creative and successful than Erik ten Hag, because at least Mad Max took his team to the top four of the league in the 2023/24 season.
Maybe Allegri just needs to go to the Premier League and try something new in order to rekindle the form that once made him one of world football’s most respected managers in Turin during the 2010s.
The managing editor of The Trivela Effect, Kevin has 15 years of experience in digital media. He covered Real Madrid from 2019-2022 for The Real Champs as a site manager. His work has been featured in ESPN, Bleacher Report, Yahoo! Sports, NBC Sports, and other major outlets. You can contact him at the site’s official Twitter handle @TrivelaEffect or via the site’s official email thetrivelaeffect@gmail.com.